How do you write an academic essay on a topic that riles you so passionately and angers you so much at times that it makes you shake and tremble uncontrollably as if you’ve been out in sub-freezing temperatures for hours on end? How, if the topic is that upsetting and emotional, do you calm yourself down enough to compose logical and scholarly thoughts and put your best work forward?
This paper came at an interesting time in my academic career. You know how sometimes things seem serendipitous and you sit and marvel at how great it all works out? Well this is one of those moments but I cannot bring myself to rejoice just yet. The feeling is so upsettingly serendipitous that it makes me laugh while crying in wonder at how the world could be so cruel yet so helpful at the same time. If there is a puppet master up there, he must be giggling as he watches his plot unfold. I know from past experiences that these feelings will fade and that in a few days, weeks, or months I will not be so riled by this topic just as I wasn’t three weeks ago but events unfolded in a way to make this hit too close to home and that nerve is not just being pinched but more squeezed with no mercy.
I find that when I free write, which is how and why this tirade started, I calm down. Once I’ve expressed my thoughts then the raging energy that is running through my body is slowly released and I can calm down. A lot of people will say that I should talk to a friend or a shrink but the upside to writing, or talking to my faithful travel companion Jimmy the Rubber Skipper Duck, is that no one talks back. No one says, “well just breathe and calm down and things will be fine tomorrow.” Or any number of other obnoxious questions or phrases that are meant to calm me down or cheer me up but in reality just annoy me and get my blood boiling more. Can’t a girl just vent and let crap out? I mean everyone needs to take out the trash at some point or another. Yes there’s knitting or yoga or running but that doesn’t express the thoughts that are in my head that just uses up the energy running rampant through my body. So that brings me back to writing. The problem with writing when I am purging energy and thoughts is that it rarely ends in a scholarly or academically acceptable text. It makes for great reference material though. It’s always surprising to me that while I am typing and purging I am able to collect my thoughts and formulate academic thoughts to put down later. The mind works in mysterious. I suppose my mind is not purging my thoughts but recycling them into something of the same material but a different look. Personally I’ve always found I enjoy pieces, usually under the guise of art or craft, made of recycled materials much better than the original…
So now that I have purged, I maybe calm enough to compose the academic masterpiece that will be my English essay.
